BROKE AND I HAVE A JOB

I ASK MYSELF EVERYDAY "HOW THE HECK AM I BROKE, WITH A  JOB MAKING A DECENT SALARY"? HOW CRAZY IS IT THAT ? WHY SHOULD WE SUFFER TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT? WHY CANT THE SYSTEM BE FAIR AND ALLOW US TO BE ABLE TO SUPPORT OURSELVES WHILE STILL TAKING CARE OF OUR RESPONSIBILITIES? WE AREN'T TRYING TO RUN FROM OUR RESPONSIBILITIES. I'M SURE MOST OF US WERE TAKING CARE OF OUR CHILDREN WITHOUT BEING TOLD BY THE SYSTEM HEY YOU NEED TO PAY THIS AMOUNT TO THE OTHER PARENT AND YOU STOOD THERE AND SAID BUT I AM DOING THAT I BUY MY BABY CLOTHES AND SHOES, FOOD AND WHEN NEEDED PAY SOME BILLS. WHILE THE CUSTODIAL PARENT STANDS THERE SILENT ALLOWING THE HEARING EXAMINER TO THROW YOU RIGHT UNDER THE BUS. NO SUPPORT FROM THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE UPSET WITH YOU MAY BE YOU DIDN'T BUY THEM SOMETHING OR YOU SHOWED UP WITH YOUR NEW BOO. IN OTHER WORDS MOVED ON FROM THEIR CRAZY ASS AND NOW THEY'RE MAD. SO NOW YOU'RE JUST STANDING THERE SAYING WOW ITS HARD TO BELIEVE I ACTUALLY GOT INVOLVED WITH THE DEVILS SIBLING. THE MESSED UP PART IS THAT FROM THE NEXT 18 TO 21 YRS THIS PERSON WILL BE IN YOUR LIFE. MAYBE NOT DIRECTLY BUT IN THE BACKGROUND. NEVER GIVING YOU A BREAK AND ALWAYS TRYING TO STICK IT TO YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T FALL FOR THE BULL CRAP AND NOW THEY HAVE BECOME THE SCORNED EX WHO WILL NEVER LET YOU LIVE IT DOWN EVEN IF THEY FIND THE NEXT VICTIM FOR THEM TO STICK THEIR VENOM INTO. I ACTUALLY FEEL SORRY FOR MY EX HE WILL ALWAYS BE THE SCORNED EX WHO WILL NEVER PROGRESS BECAUSE HE'S TOO BUSY BEING THE MISERABLE EX ALWAYS TRYING TO STICK IT TO ME. LITTLE DOES HE KNOW I WONT ALWAYS BE MESSED UP I HAVE SOMEONE ON MY SIDE THAT HE WILL NEVER HAVE BECAUSE HE HAS NO HEART OR GOOD SOUL.

CHILD SUPPORT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL

CHILD SUPPORT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL. I KNOW YOUR SAYING TO YOURSELF  SHE 'S CRAZY WHY WOULD SUPPORTING YOUR OWN CHILD BE ILLEGAL. WELL THE REASON I STRONGLY BELIEVE THIS IS BECAUSE WHILE SUPPORTING YOUR CHILD IS YOUR OBLIGATION WHETHER YOU DECIDED TO HAVE A CHILD OR NOT THE SYSTEM IS DESIGNED TO LEAVE THE NON CUSTODIAL PARENT IN THE GUTTER. NOW HOW CAN IT BE LEGAL FOR A HEARING EXAMINER TO TELL YOU IF YOU CANT AFFORD YOUR APARTMENT THEN MOVEOR GO TO A SHELTER. IF YOURE LIKE ME HOW MUCH CHEAPER OR "REASONABLE" DOES IT GET THEN NYCHA AND WE ALREADY WHAT THE SHELTER SYSTEM IS LIKE DISGUSTINGLY DIRTY ALL KINDS OF DISEASES AND YOUR WIND UP GOING AROUND IN CIRCLES TRYING TO GET OUT. HOW CAN YOU FOCUS ON YOUR JOB YOUR LIFE  YOUR WELL BEING IF YOUR DEPRESSEDE AND WORRIED ABOUT WHERE YOU'RE GOING TO LAY YOUR HEAD TO REST OR WILL I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT THIS WEEK. YOU CANT MAKE FUTURE PLANS, OR EVEN GO TO A SIMPLE MOVIE. FORGET ABOUT ASKING YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY BECAUSE THEY ARE JUST AS TIRED AS YOU, THEY DONT WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE YOU KNOW THOSE FAMOUS WORDS "CAN I GET A COUPLE OF DOLLARS UNTIL NEXT PAY DAY" KNOW ING HEY WILL NEVER SEE IT AGAIN. ITS HARD TO WALK AROUND WITH YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH WHEN YOU FEEL SO LOW. NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG I KNOW AS CHILDREWN GROW UP THEIR NEEDS CHANGE AND IT BECOMES MORE COSTLY TO TAKE CARE OF THEM BUT HOW CAN YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILD OR CHILDREN WHEN YOU HAVED A MIGRAINE FROM YOUR PRESSURE BEING SO HIGH UP OR YOUR SO STRESSED THAT YOU START DEVELOPING HEALTH ISSUES THAT MAKE YOU SO SICK YOU WIND UP IN THE HOSPITAL. WHAT GOOD ARE YOU TO YOUR CHILDREN WHEN YOU CAN EVEN THROW A BALL WITH THEM OR TAKE THEM TO A MOVIE. WHY ARE WE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR OUR ACTIONS WHILE THE "CUSTODIAL PARENTS ARE COLLECTING THE CHECK AND NOT LETTING YOU SEE YOU'RE OWN CHILD OR ALLOW YOU TO SPEAK TO THEM JUST TO SAY HELLO. WHY IS IT THAT WHEN YOU GO TO COURT THEY ONLY LOOK AT YOUR PAYSTUB, WHERE'S THE OTHER PARTY'S PAYSUB. TAKING CARE OF A CHILD SHOULD BE A 50/50 THING BECAUSE WHILE YOU'RE WALKING AROUND IN THE SAME SHOES FRO TWO OR THREE YEARS THE OTHER PERSON FILLED UP THEIR WARDROBE WITH THIS YEARS LATEST. BESIDES THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS THAT "MOST" OF US NON CUSTODIAL PARENTS KNOEW WHAT WE HAVE TO DO AND WERE PROBABLY TAKING CARE OF OUR RESPONSIBILITY BUT THE OTHER PARENT GOT SPITEFUL AFETR A BIG ARGUMENT AND TOOK US TO THE MAN/WOMAN TO PROVE A LESSON KNOW THAT IF THE SHOE WAS ON THE OTHER FOOT THEY WOULD ENJOY BEING IN OUR SHOES, THEY WOULD BE BITCHING AND COMPLAINING AND PROBABLY PLEADING TO BE TAKEN OFF THIS CHILD SUPPORT MADNESS. THIS NEVER ENDING ROLLER COASTER RIDE IS CRAZY. THIS CHILD SUPPORT IS RUINING LIVES ITS MAKING TWENTY YRS OLD LOOK LIKE THEY'RE FORTY WITH ALL THE GRAY HAIRS. SO YES CHILD SUPPORT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL. IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL TO RUIN MY LIFE JUST TO MAINTAIN HIS LIFE BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW ONLY A SMALL PORTION GOES TO THE KIDS WHILE THE MAJORITY GOES TO HIM BECAUSE HE NEEDS HIS CIGARETTES MONEY TO ENTERTAIN HIS WOMEN AND SELF ENTERTAINMENT. WHILE MY CHILDREN WALK AROUND WITH TIGHT CLOTHES, SHOES AND SNEAKERS THAT DONT FIT AND GIVEN THE ALL MIGHTY EXCUSE" I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY FOR A GAME". I SAY WE PUT ALL OUR CARDS ON THE TABLE, REVIEW MY EXPENSES AND AFTER WE TAKE OUT HOW MUCH I NEED TO PAY MY RENT MY PHONE MY MEDS AND GROCERIES THEN WE SEE HOW MUCH I CAN AFFORD TO GIVE. UNFORTUNATELY FOR NOW THE SYSTEM IS ROBBING US BLIND AND THE SAD PART IS FOR NOW THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO BECAUSE YOU CAN DEFEND YOURSELF AGAINST A PERSON ROBBING YOU BUT THE SYSTEM YOU JUST SIT THERE AND WATCH IT HAPPEN.

AT THE END OF MY ROPE

ITS BEEN A MINUTE SINCE I'VE BEEN HERE BUT HAVE YOU EVER FELT LIKE YOU'RE AT THE END OF YOUR ROPE. SINCE JULY OF LAST YEAR I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH THE ROUGHEST TIME OF MY LIFE AND FOR SOME TIME I JUST KNEW THINGS WERE GOING TO GET PROGRESSIVELY WORSE FOR I HAD MADE DECISIONS ON MY OWN THAT IMPACTED MY LIFE AS WELL AS MY CHILDRENS. I DIDNT THINK IT THROUGH AND I BLINDLY TRUSTED THE DEVIL WHO WAS DRESSED AS MY EX HUSBAND. I AM TO BLAME FOR WHAT HAS HAPPENED. I DISABLED MY ABILITY TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF NO LONGER ABLE TO PAY MY RENT MY BILLS BUY MY FOOD OR MEDICATION. EVERYDAY I ASKED MYSELF WHY IN THE WORLD DID YOU DO THAT TO YOURSELF , I HAD THE DEVIL ON ONE SHOULDER TELLING ME HEY ITS TOO LATE TO FIX IT SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL END IT ALL AND AN ANGEL ON THE OTHER SIDE TELLING ME DONT DO IT YOU MADE A MISTAKE BUT GOD HAS YOUR BACK JUST TRUST HIM. THE PULLING BACK AND FORTH WAS CAUSING A STRUGGLE IN ME THAT WAS GETTING HARD TO HANDLE. I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP WONDERING WHAT AM I GOING TO DO. HOW AM I GETTING OUT FROM UNDER ALL THIS MESS. UNTIL FINALLY ONE DAY I JUST STARTING PRAYING AND MY DAD CAME TO ME AND TOLD ME YOU ARE GOING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION TURN AROUND AND GO THE OTHER WAY. IT WAS THE BEGINNING OF MY NEW LIFE. ALL MY CONCERNS AND PROBLEMS DIDNT SEEM SO GREAT. I MADE A CONSCIOUS DECISION TO ACCEPT GOD BACK INTO MY LIFE AND ASKED MY BEST FRIEND CAN I VISIT HIS CHURCH. WITH A BIG SMILE AND NO HESITATION HE SAID YES. I WENT AND I KNEW IMMEDIATELY I WAS HOME. MY LIFE HAS BEEN SO MUCH GREATER NOW. GOD HAS BLESSED ME WITH GOOD FRIENDS AND FAMILY THAT HAVE COME TO MY AID AND THATNKS TO THEM I HAVENT GONE HUNGRY. HE'S HELPED ME PAY MY BILLS LIKE MY PHONE SO THAT I CAN KEEP IN TOUCH WITH MY CHILDREN, AND HE'S LIFTED ALL THE BURDENS THAT WERE WEIGHING ME DOWN TO THE POINT WHERE I CAN STAND UP TALL AND WALK PROUDLY JUST KNOWING I AM A CHILD OF GOD. I NO LONGER WISH TO HARM MYSELF BECAUSE NOW I HAVE A NEW LEASE ON LIFE. THINGS MAY BE OUT OF MY CONTROL BUT THEY'RE NEVER OUT OF GODS CONTROL. WHILE I AM STILL IN A FINANCIAL BIND BECAUSE MY RENT IS SOOOOOOOOO FAR BEHIND AND I WILL SOON BE IN COURT WITH THEM I AM LEAVING IT IN GODS HANDS. IF GOD WANTS ME TO STAY IN THIS APARTMENT HE WILL FIND A WAY TO FOR ME TO STAY IF NOT THEN I WILL BE MOVING AND GOING THE THE MOTIONS OF STARTING ALL OVER AGAIN. EITHER WAY I KNOW GOD HAS MY BACK AND I HAVE FAITH HE WILL HELP ME GET THROUGH THIS. AS PARENTS WE MAKE DECISIONS AND WE TRUST THAT IT IS THE RIGHT ONE BUT WE FORGET TO PRAY AND ASK GODS HELP. THE COURT SYSTEM IS IN OUR LIVES AND THE ARE PLAYING GOD WITH OUR LIVES. FINANCIALLY CRIPPLING US LIKE AS IF THEY ARE PUNISHING US FOR SOME WRONG DOINGS. I KNOW IT MAY SEEM LIKE YOUR AT THE END OF YOUR ROPE BUT TRUST AND BELIEVE THAT GOD IS REWARDING YOU FOR YOUR SACRIFICE AND HE IS EXTENDING YOUR ROPE SO THAT IT REACHES EVERY PART OF YOUR LIFE. MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU.